pca

am i going to actually be able to go back? i don't know. i really want to, but me and my mom had a conversation today she was trying to push towards to staying in tss. but i was fighting but then she recommending going to unionville by doing the hard process in signing for arts in westmount then transferring to unionville arts because its the only way to get into unionville. but i was hoping all this time to be able to go back. you see pca is my life .. and my home. what's wrong with going back for my friends. they are a part of my life and i want to make more than a part of my life and no less. i don't want to lose the relationships and friends of what i have left. i am not like my sisters who have a hundred good friends that sticks with them and hangs out with them and does not leave them. (this didn't come out rite, but its just those friends that actually will notice your existence and make the most of it). all the pain from pca i would rather relive than to not have been in pca. tss and pca is the same education wise, but i feel i've got what i needed from it and ready to return. i've been regretting and regretting leaving pca. if i don't go back some of the things i love doing so much will dissappear. no actual fun music-vocal opportunities in tss, no volleyball team i can get into, no friends i can play with everyday and spend the best time, no friends that will never leave you or ignore you, no cheap food. the email julian.soaring_eagle@hotmail.com was inspired by pca. pca is the reason why isaiah 40:31 is my favourite verse. I WANT TO GO BACK. i promised my friends and my teachers miss me and told them too. i just wished we didn't have to pay because my mom kind of expressed more on that when mentioning pca "did you know it costs $9000" but i asked her before if it was okay. but i guess it isn't okay. if i wasn't going to leave, would my mom have forced me. my friend charis said that, well i forget, but she didn't support, help or comfort. she hasn't recently. there are bad and good teachers in pca as there are bad and good teachers in public schools, it evens out.

today

i feel tss just got a bit better
maybe its because i've taken my mind of it and focused more on Christmas
i just adore the happiness and the beauty that Christmas brings with it.
i shared about my conflict with tss and pca at retreat
it was really hard for me to get up there
and i couldn't stop crying over how much i missed pca comfort and friends
and i cried even more when a friend went up and talked about him trying spread christianity to u of t school
remind of me 2 people who left pca
and possible left Christ
i really wished they didn't leave
a lot of things would have been different probably
we could have become closer as friends

a choice made bad?

was it a bad idea to leave pca. maybe. i'm not sure. though i do regret a lot. i miss that comfort, the knowledge of what to expect, the true care and love from the teacher, their knowledge of the truth. when you look at my past you would wonder why i would even want to step into pca, but i don't know i just have this strong attachment to it. i would have never even thought that i would ever leave pca. and here i am now out of the pca comfort zone. not able to play volleyball, see true friends, singing my heart out ..... i actually wanted to go to unionville rather than thornhill because i actually had true friends that i loved very much there and it was closer to being in pca than thornhill is. i was recently thinking of going there next semester or next year, but it looks like i won't have a chance because the only way for me is if i sign up for the arts program in piano/violin. i really want to go back to pca. i hope...........